“You have ten insults,” said the Equalizer. “If you do not use your insults by the 31st day of December in the year following your 25th birthday, I will cut you in half with the Axe of Equality.”

He raised the axe to his side, but the students remained quiet. One student began to ingest his own nasal mucus.

“Perhaps you should tell the students what you do for fun,” said Mrs. Greene.

“For fun?” said the Equalizer.

“What do you do when you’re not working?” she said.

“I am always working,” he said, loudly projecting his voice across the classroom. “I continuously prepare for the Celebration of Equality by taking the lives of a thousand prostitutes per day.”

“Excellent work ethic,” said Mrs. Greene, blushing.

One student raised her hand.

“How do you kill so many people in one day?” she said. “There are a lot of nice people who don’t use all of their insults.”

“I use my axe,” he said.

“I mean, the world is so big,” she said. “And there are so many people. How do you kill them all?”

“Yeah,” said one of the boys. “It’s impossible.”

“It is not impossible,” said the Equalizer. “Just ask your teacher.”

The children looked at Mrs. Greene; she had been cut in two. Her top half toppled over, and her bottom half collapsed.

“Awesome!” said the children. “That was so fast!” said one of the boys, who had temporarily stopped ingesting his own nasal mucus.

The blood of Mrs. Greene dripped from the blade of the axe.

“Now, who hates their music teacher?” said the Equalizer.

The children laughed. “She’s a whore!” they said.